#have i literally ever once mentioned Olivia on here because i love her music

[weirdprophetess]

No song outro has ever made me feel quite the same way as the grudge by Olivia Rodrigo when she says it takes strength to forgive but... I'm not quite sure I'm there yet... It takes strength to forgive but...

And then she just silently plays the last few piano notes of the song like God she gets it

[theboywiththecuckooclockheart]

My Top 10 Favorite Songs From Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart: Concept Album and Movie

Here I will rank my top 10 favorite songs between the movie and concept album versions of Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart. I personally believe that the French concept album songs are quite different from the translations in the English movie, so I will rank them independently. That means that one song may end up on this list twice for the reasons I will explain as we go down the list. Let’s start from number 10:

10. “Mademoiselle Clé”

As simple and intimate as this scene in the movie is, I’m going to have to put the French version on this list. Mainly because it stays a bit more true to the scene in the novel which is much less PG than the movie. The French song shares the line “...she works her Blue Fairy magic on me, like in Pinocchio, but more real. Except it’s not my nose that’s growing longer.” The implications of that quote in the novel and the French song are obvious, but are much more loosely intimated in the film. Also, I simply prefer the composition of the French album song over the movie version.

You can find the French song from the concept album here on Dioysos’ official Youtube channel and the scene from the movie here on a fan’s Youtube channel.

9. “Tais-Toi Mon Coeur”

This song can only be found in the concept album and corresponds more directly to the plot of the book than the movie. The title means “Be Quiet my Heart” (or, more aggressively, “shut up, my heart”). It is such a catchy song and the old music video associated with it has a really cool animation style which some hoped would have been the style of the entire movie, but alas.

You can find the official song here on Dionysos’ official Youtube channel and the music video here on a fan’s Youtube channel.

8. “Flamme A Lunettes”

There are actually three versions of the song “Flame with Glasses” because it also shows up in the book. The book version is quite short, and is actually the most similar to the movie for that reason. However, the song in the concept album encapsulates more of the action in the novel itself, not just the song that Miss Acacia sings. Additionally, the imagery in the song from the album is much richer and Jack and Miss Acacia’s banter goes on for a little longer. Even though the scene in the movie is visually intriguing and captures some of the imagery with its setting, I’m going to have to put the album version on this list.

You can find the French song from the concept album here on Dionysos’ official Youtube channel and the scene from the English movie here on a fan’s Youtube channel.

7. “L'école De Joe”

“The School of Joe” can only be found in the movie in its instrumental form, so I don’t want to make a direct comparison to the lyric version in the album. However, I don’t think I have to. Both incarnations capture the same menacing energy and climactic build, and what the movie may lack in lyrics it sure makes up for in the scene. And while I hate to put Joe nearly halfway up my list, the song is just too powerful to put any lower.

You can find the French song from the concept album here on Dionysos’ official Youtube channel.

6. “Malagueña”

Doing the research on the Spanish songs in the album and the movie sure gave me a run for my money because I had no idea about the multilingual talents of Olivia Ruiz. She both voices and sings Miss Acacia in the French movie, the concept album (which is in French, of course), as well as the Spanish songs in both (if not all) of the translations of the movie. Her version of “La Malagueña”, a traditional Mexican Huapango song, was originally covered on two of her albums [1], and is of course identical in the concept album and the movie because there is no need to translate it. It was tough for me to choose between “Malagueña” and “Quijote”, but for the wonderful and fantastical elements surrounding it in the movie and for the great references to quotes from the novel during the scene, “Malagueña” makes it on this list.

You can find the song from the concept album here on Dionysos’ official Youtube channel and an amazing live performance of it by Olivia Ruiz here.

5. “Le Jour Le Plus Froid du Monde”

Thanks to this Youtube video and the fanart included in it, “The Coldest Day on Earth” was the first song I ever heard from the “La Mécanique Du Cœur” concept album and was how I discovered the movie in the first place. I have always been an enthusiast for anything vaguely steampunk, and a rhythm set by cuckoo-clocks is exactly the kind of song I’m looking for. Once I figured out what the French lyrics actually mean, I knew I needed to find out more about this weird world. It took me exactly two years to get my hands on a copy of the book after watching the movie, and I discovered the entire concept album around that time as well. Perhaps this song should be number one on this list because it is literally the reason I have this blog to begin with, but I just can’t deny how much I love the other songs at the top of this list.

I also can’t fail to mention the sort of reprised version of the song, called “Le Réveil Des Coucous Vivants”, or “The Awakening of the Living Cuckoos” which makes an appearance very early in the movie, but is actually the last song on the concept album. If you want to experience an amazing example of how cuckoos can be used as incredibly haunting musical instruments, I recommend you check it out.

You can find the French song from the concept album here on Dionysos’ official Youtube channel here is the link to “Le Réveil Des Coucous Vivants” on their channel as well.

4. “La Panique Mécanique”

I absolutely love how much this song builds and how it captures the experience of traveling on a train alone for the first time. This song does make a shortened appearance in the movie during Jack’s train ride, but I’m not a huge fan of how they altered the lyrics. Another thing that makes the French album version so much more striking than the English movie version is Alain Bashung’s [2] performance of Jack the Ripper’s lines. His voice is so mysterious and menacing and creates the perfect bridge into the chaotic latter portion of the song. Perhaps it is my relative lack of exposure to a variety of French voices, but his rendition just hits different than the English one in my opinion.

You can find the French version from the concept album here on Dionysos’ official Youtube channel. Unfortunately I can’t find a good link to the scene in the movie, so you will have to do some digging yourself if you are interested.

3. “Jack Et La Mécanique Du Cœur”

In third place is the French concept album version of the titular song “Jack Et La Mécanique Du Cœur”. It is the very first song on the concept album and serves as a sort of summary for the plot and kind of resembles a Greek chorus [3] that speculates what our protagonist Jack is going to do. It includes some interjection from Georges Méliès and ends with him saying “Et maintenant, bon film” (”And now, enjoy the film”), which I find very cute since it’s sort of like we are watching Méliès’ own film adaption of the story, which he tells Jack during the movie that he could very well make.

You can find the French concept album version here on Dionysos’ official Youtube channel.

2. “Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart” (English version from the end credits  of the movie)

Maybe this is a cop-out, but I just couldn’t decide which version of this song to put on this list, so I included both. After much deliberation, I decided to put the English version at number two instead of three. It seems sacrilegious somehow, but I just had to put it a little higher for a couple of reasons. One, I discovered it first so it lodged itself in my consciousness before the French version did, and two, I just can’t get over Orlando Seale’s voice in this song. Of course Mathias Malzieu is completely unparalleled, but there is something about Seale’s optimistic and gallant tone that is completely enrapturing.

It’s sort of a bummer that this amazing song only shows up at the very end of the credits, but I must admit it is a difficult song to place anywhere else in the film considering the inexplicable presence of Méliès (which makes it hard to put at the beginning for the sake of the plot). But, it also doesn’t make sense at the end since it’s a summary of what we just watched and the final line tells us to “enjoy the film” as the last few credits roll up on the screen. Regardless, I should be happy that the song was ever translated into English because I can thank it for keeping my interest and passion for the story alive.

You can find the English version here on a fan’s Youtube channel.

1. “L’Homme Sans Trucage”

And finally, number one. You’d think “Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart” would have taken this spot considering how much I went on about it, but “L’Homme Sans Trucage” (”The Man Without Special Effects”) from the concept album has an absolutely tangible feeling of adventure and boundlessness with instrumentals that are out of this world. Who else but Dionysos can mix record-scratching, keyboard, banjo, drums, and more simultaneously and make it sound that amazing? The song perfectly captures the “coming of age” theme of the story, and the imagery in the song is beyond inspiring. 

I also need to mention the reference in the title and in the chorus to Méliès’ diary in the story which he titled “The Man without Special Effects” (or “The Man Who Was No Hoax” per the English translation of the novel). That diary in both the movie and the novel is Méliès’ retelling of his time spent with Jack (which is why I think putting the song “Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart” in the beginning of the movie would be so cool) and is emphasized a bit more in the novel than in the movie. That diary makes a sort of legend out of Jack, and its title implies entirely different layers of meaning between the movie and the novel. 

To give the movie some credit, though, the scene is a lot of fun, and I love how they styled it à la Méliès with paper cutouts and the reference to “The Impossible Voyage” [4] by the real Georges Méliès. The scene stays true to the surrealism of the story, and is definitely quite enjoyable. But, in the end, I have to give “L’Homme Sans Trucage” the number one spot on my list.

You can find the French version from the concept album here on Dionysos official Youtube channel and the scene from the movie here on Shout! Factory’s Youtube channel.

There are 31 tracks (including interludes) on the complete “La Mécanique Du Cœur” concept album, so of course I couldn’t include them all here. The styles and tones of each song are so unique, and I think the entire album is worth a listen. I first listened to the entire album roughly concurrently with the plot of the novel, and that was a pretty great way to experience it, in my opinion. But, if you’re like me and you aren’t exactly fluent in French, it’s not like you’ll get many spoilers from the songs.

_____________

All quotes are from the film and/or novel “Jack and Cuckoo-Clock Heart” by Mathias Malzieu unless otherwise specified.

Sources and additional information:

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malague%C3%B1a_Salerosa

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alain_Bashung

[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_chorus#:~:text=A%20Greek%20chorus%2C%20or%20simply,voice%20on%20the%20dramatic%20action.

[4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Impossible_Voyage

[ourcorny]

charactersssss (a constant wip)

annie morris … twenty-five. currently haunted by her paintings and doodles. how embarrassing! waitress, artist, medicated for an illness she doesn’t has. is actually just from a bloodline of cursed female creative types. more info can be found @tghluck. (fc: mary elizabeth winstead)

edward ainsley … sixteen years old, is actually fifty-seven, vegan vampire. utterly disliked by his vampiric peers due to his being turned into a vampire in his youth, rendered sixteen years old for life. has a tendency towards alcoholism in order to silence his cravings for blood since he deems vampirism altogether unethical. more info found @pastytwat (fc: craig roberts)

robbie moore … fifty. always one of those too big for his own boots kinda guys – one of the ‘i’m jumping ship as soon as hit eighteen’ types. that’s what he did, and that’s when he absolutely fucked it. ran his mouth too loud for too long and ruined any chances he had anywhere he went. robbie is a writer but his unwillingness to compromise with his work leaves him unable to find any real place in the industry. an absolute self publishing expert. to pay the bills he’s an english teacher but there’s no real passion for it. he came back to his hometown after struggling his way around the country and settled down in a marriage with his high school sweetheart that turned sour quickly. the pair never had children and were heading to a painful divorce when his wife passed away suddenly. years down the line and he’s still trying to wrap his head around it. jesus fuck this guy. (fc: marc maron)

tara shaw … thirty-four. owner of SHAWSPB, an independent publishing company ran (run? past tense…? it’s confusing) by one tara shaw, someone who needs to work on her social skills. as it seems, you can actually only reject so many people so many times before it bites you in the ass. more specifically (and more accurately), you can only reject so many people so meanly after you fire the companies’ reader because they’ve let one too many trashy reads out of the slush pile and you have to start wading through the heaving thing yourself. opening manuscripts seemed well and good and safe enough because all you’d be facing is words that were crappy in a worst case scenario, until late one night, you stumble upon something that a sour faced rejectee (yes, one that landed themselves with a personalised handwritten and very specific rejection from the woman herself) gets their pages in the pile. tara opens it and finds that it’s no story at all. it’s a string of nonsense – words that don’t exist, script she’s not sure she’s ever seen before, but transfixed on the page, tara shaw reads the thing front to back and the second she puts the papers down is hurtled into the space time continuum, left to float around in there til something grounds her back into the real world, when or wherever that is. it’s an act of karma, or something, and whenever she lands she pukes her guts out because that’s what that kind of thing does to the human body apparently. (fc: natasha lyonne)

genevieve walsh … seventeen. was made fun of in year six for choosing to go to an all girl’s catholic secondary school, her classmates saying that she would end up a lesbian. she did, though it was unrelated to her formal teaching. very unrelated. she has too much going on and is too moody for her own good. extra info can be found @genegrieve. 

morrigan kenny … age unknown. bringer of the apocalypse. wanders earth with her way too long hair (it collects twigs and mud) looking for someone to spend the rest of the end with.

alex … thirty-odd (undisclosed actual age) years old. she is yet to learn to do her taxes, and is for all intents and purposes: a con-woman. arguably not an ethical profession, charging the old and the gullible for exorcisms and that of a supernatural variety while having no knowledge of the subject. but a girl’s gotta make a living — volunteering yourself for stand up gigs at the same place night in night out with little to no compensation doesn’t provide much. she’s a kind person, if you ignore the conning, and is decent to talk to. will give away any information. whoops. (fc: jenny slate)

lou webster … seventeen. modern prophet. refuses touch with good reason (skin on skin means she see the other person’s skin melting off, right to the bone). regularly sees the end of the world and it gives her stomach aches. (fc: natalia dyer)

liv o'dell … twenty-nine. screaming messy would probably win the lottery (the luck of her) if she ever tried it, multiple time accidental murderer. makes no sense. is rude. is annoying. has a surprisingly sweet daughter (kitty). more info @heavyroads 

betty cloverfield … a twenty one year old motormouth who can’t hold down a single thing she’s meant to. she happens to have recently induced some type of magenta sensitive dissonance in her sensory processing that she can’t shake. it’s speculated by many that she’s taken one too many poppers and it’s taken its toll. (fc: kat dennings)

aiden ryder … seventeen years old. the angstiest, quietest idiot with four fully charged portable chargers to hand at any moment you will ever know. heavily associated with @optimistsclub​ (fc: jack kilmer)

mert james ... 21. a children’s author, the writer and illustrator of the BEWARE GIANT CREATRUES series. he has many reasons to not want to leave his house and most surround the obvious images conjured in the phrase hatemyself1999 — hate myself (explanatory) and 1999 (dexter ‘mert’ james’ birth year. also self explanatory once you know this fact). all that said, he does in fact leave his house. teaches drums to kids. none of them practise and it makes him insane. in a running circuit of bands where none of the members are committed. that, or he’s misjudging their commitment and giving them nothing when they do in fact care and then he is the dick. music snob, deadpan snarker, karma houdini, middle child syndrome, world of cardboard, can’t get away with nuthin, i coulda been a contender!

lazyguts / victoria ... suicide/eating disorder mention. i’m writing her through ages 17-19 and here’s the brief overview/context: lazyguts lost all of her friends the year before she went off to university as a result of her total withdrawal [causes being a) her brother attempting to kill himself (he survived but it’s very confusing to grieve a hypothetical especially when you’re not supposed to talk about it) and then b) her already struggling with food issues getting worse worse worse. these two things alone are not the reasons as no one else explicitly knows about them, but the adverse effects of these things combined make her difficult to be around/hard to maintain a friendship with her. all very tragic, but still happens. uno].going to a uni where she doesn’t know anyone seems like the best move. she does. she makes friends with a girl called olivia and they become mad close very quickly. this lasts maybe two months until lazyguts starts locking herself away in uni room and doesn’t see much of anyone at all. she has to drop out on mental health reasons just before the end of her first year. she moves back home and lives miserably and very solitary. she and olivia have long lost touch by this point. a few months later she sees an in memoriam post up on olivia’s social media from some of olivia’s friends saying how tragic the loss is, etc/ olivia had killed herself. the post had said something about a project for the close friends of olivia and she tentatively sends a message despite having never really known the girl. anyway, after quite a few ‘exaggerations’ and then a few straight up lies, she ends up super into the friend group of olivia’s based on the lie of being a long-time friend of hers. she’s not sure why the lie comes out nor why she keeps it going. it’s something to cling onto so she does. best way to put it is she’s very dear evan hansen about it, lying lying lying lllyyyinng. eventually she’s caught out but we’re not there yet (fc: odessa a’zion)

dale knox ... 30ish. painter/decorator. info literally not ever written out before. he’s lovely and in a constant state of stress! affiliated with @fullyfungi (fc: aidan turner)

lenny gata ... 26. lonely funeral poet. followed by a select few of the unknown dead #irl after an accidental latin spell read out at a graveside (not her fault, literally not her fault - she read this out in good faith). caught ignoring them/walking them to their homes depending on the day. (fc: aubrey plaza)

millie matthews ... 17. half part antichrist. the other half is her twin sister (#MISSING). currently, unfortunately, sadly, disappointgly, worryingly, being tracked down.

more tbaaaaaaaa thank you thank you

[goodticklebrain]

Q&A August: Austin Tichenor of the Reduced Shakespeare Company

They say you should never meet your heroes, but obviously “they” were never enlightened enough to consider Austin Tichenor of the Reduced Shakespeare Company a hero. Like many Shakespeare geeks, I was exposed to Reduced Shakespeare Company’s performance of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) at an impressionable young age. Once the DVD came out, I watched it over and over again, soaking up the irreverence and affection for Shakespeare like a sponge. It never occurred to me that I would one day meet the curly-haired pompous idiot in the black pants whose antics had entertained me so much, let alone be lucky enough to call him a friend, but that’s exactly what has happened.

I first met Austin (after exchanging mutually admiring tweets with him) in April of 2016, during their world premiere of William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play (abridged) at the Folger Library. I was prepared to be utterly starstruck, but Austin was so wonderfully down-to-earth that within minutes I felt like I’d known him forever. Totally lacking the pomposity and idiocy of his stage persona, Austin was overwhelmingly encouraging and supportive of my work, immediately welcoming me to play with him in the Shakespeare comedy sandbox. I had literally just started working full-time on Good Tickle Brain, so his enthusiasm meant the world to me.

I could gush about Austin for many more paragraphs, but I’m sure you’d rather hear from him, so here he is, my Comedy Fairy Godfather, in his own words!

1. Who are you? Why Shakespeare?

I’m Austin Tichenor, a playwright, director, and actor. I'm the co-artistic director of the Reduced Shakespeare Company, a three-person comic theatre troupe that reduces long serious topics into short silly comedies.

My first exposure to Shakespeare was undoubtedly in the original series of Star Trek! I read Shakespeare in high school English classes and got to see fantastic productions of Shakespeare at American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco and the Berkeley Reprtory Theatre, but I didn’t get to actually WORK on Shakespeare until grad school where I both played Claudius in a production of Hamlet and reduced my first Shakespeare (it was a directorial exercise: a five minute reduction of Much Ado About Nothing). My first professional theatre job was creating plays for young people so I went to Shakespeare immediately, creating 45 minute cuttings of Much Ado, Midsummer, and The Tempest.

So the opportunity to join the RSC in 1992 and perform its signature work The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) (written by the RSC’s founders) in London’s West End for eight months combined all my theatrical loves: smart silly comedy, non-realistic theatricality, and Shakespeare — which is kinda redundant, now that I think about it

2. What moment(s) in Shakespeare always make you laugh?

My favorite moments are typically when characters make incredible discoveries about themselves, and these are usually comic. Malvolio’s “I am…happy!” Terrible actor Francis Flute fully committing to the moment on “Dead, my dove?” Benedick’s “There’s a double meaning in that.” Hamlet toying with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, or telling Claudius he “shall nose” the dead Polonius as he goes upstairs. Olivia’s “Most wonderful!” when the penny drops and she realizes “Cesario” is actually Viola (and Sebastian’s twin).

3. What's a favorite Shakespearean performance anecdote?

I have two!

1) We were performing William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play (abridged) for the Shakespeare Theatre Association conference — the savviest and most knowledgeable group of people I’ll probably ever perform for, ever. I was playing Richard III and limping downstage to say my first line, one of the most famous first lines in all of Shakespeare. But I was distracted because I saw there were people sitting on the sides and I didn’t want to limp too far downstage for them to see — and in my distraction I said, “Now is the moment of our...” As soon as the word was out of my mouth, I knew I’d blown the line (it’s supposed to be “Now is the winter of our discontent”) and I knew I couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t happened; not in front of that crowd, not in our style of show. So I quite audibly said, “Oh f&$# me,” and limped back offstage to come in again. This time I said the line right and emphasized the first word: “Now is the winter of our discontent!” It brought down the house and everyone asked whether I’d planned it. Sigh…no, I hadn’t.

Mya interjects: I was in the house for this performance and this moment remains one of the highlights of my theatre-going career. What Austin neglects to mention here is that Reed, who had been left alone onstage after Austin had retreated, went over to the wings as if to confer with Austin, and said, sotto voce, “No, I don’t think anybody noticed.”

2) We were performing The Complete Works on a stage that had a little runway that circled the orchestra pit. In one of the scenes, Adam Long (one of the RSC’s founding members) decided to hop over the pit, from the stage to the runway, and he ended breaking the runway floor and falling through the boards. Thankfully uninjured, and delighted that he had this opportunity, he immediately uttered the immortal words, “Don’t worry, it’s just a stage I’m going through."

4. What's one of the more unusual Shakespearean interpretations you've either seen or would like to see?

I’m glad that nowhere in here have you asked what my favorite play is. I don’t have favorite Shakespeare plays, but I do have favorite productions. Here are two:

1) The Folger Theatre at the Folger Shakespeare Library in Washington DC’s production of Love’s Labor’s Lost was delightful from start to finish: Incredibly smart, wildly funny, and wonderfully charming. The director and her team made the King’s desire for “a little academe” quite literal by re-creating the Folger Library’s handsome reading room onstage. (I wrote about this terrific production here.)

2) The Chicago Shakespeare Company production of The Tempest, co-directed by Aaron Posner and the magician Teller, turned Prospero into an actual wizard and filled the production with literal magic. (There must have been magic in Shakespeare’s original production as the First Folio has a stage direction that mentions that characters disappear by means of “a quaint device”. Teller filled his production with many quaint magic tricks and devices!) With music by Tom Waits and great comedy from its clowns, it was the most entertaining and completely realized production of The Tempest I've ever seen.

Favorite moments?

When Henry IV (Jeremy Irons) slaps his snotty son Prince Hal (Tom Hiddleston) in The Hollow Crown adaptation of Henry IV, Part 1 taking him (and the audience) by total surprise.

When Francis Flute’s (Sam Rockwell) emotions bubble to the surface unexpectedly in the ridiculous “Pyramus and Thisbe” in the film version of Midsummer.

When Juliet (Claire Danes) stirs and almost wakes up in time to prevent Romeo (Leonardo DiCaprio) from killing himself in Baz Lurhmann’s Romeo + Juliet.

When Antigonus (Gregory Linington) distracted the Bear, dooming himself but preventing the death of Perdita, in the Goodman Theatre production of one of my least favorite plays The Winter’s Tale.

5. What's one of your favorite Shakespearean "hidden gems”?

The hidden gem of Shakespeare is actually right out in the open: He’s written incredibly theatrical plays, filled with rich and elusive characters that still fascinate us 400 years later, and even the most serious of his plays (including his Histories and especially his Tragedies) contain more comedy than is generally realized (or pulled off). Shakespeare was a showman whose livelihood depended on entertaining his audiences, so he created plays filled with music, devices, comic bits, fascinating characters, time jumps, changing perspectives, and shifting tones that are always serious (especially his Comedies) but never solemn.

(You don’t ask what my Shakespearean pet peeve but here it is: Productions that lack urgency and ignore the above, as in: Comedies that are beautiful-looking and melancholy but not funny. Histories that ignore the comic chaos that Shakespeare layers in. Tragedies that are one-note, over-the-top, and not in any way believable. Romances that equate pastoral with languid and not compelling. Argh.)

6. What passages from Shakespeare have stayed with you?

Oh so many...

Beatrice’s “Kill Claudio,” which comes seemingly out of the blue and yet is so right.

Falstaff’s honor speech, when done right, in front of a live audience.

And I find Miranda’s “O brave new world that hath such people in’t” just incredibly moving. (I’m always moved by Joy. Tragedy can suck it.)

Mya interjects: “Tragedy can suck it” might be my new personal motto now. Thanks, Austin.

7. What Shakespeare plays have changed for you?

Henry VI, Part 1. Reading it again recently, I was struck by the level of chaos Shakespeare depicts in a kingdom struggling without a ruler. It’s almost like Monty Python meets Veep: Sentences can’t get finished because people are running in and out, declaring “I’m in charge! I’m in charge!” with grand impotence. Of course Shakespeare would write it like that: He needed to entertain his audience, who were probably also nervous about their aging queen who had yet to declare a successor. Shakespeare created a chaotic warning that England shouldn’t descend into that kind of comically dangerous madness again — a warning that wasn’t really heeded, unfortunately.

8. What Shakespearean character or characters do you identify the most with?

Having played so many of them (albeit in reduced forms), that’s a tough call. But because I’m also an actor and a playwright, the ones I probably identify with the most are Shakespeare's seemingly autobiographical ones: Peter Quince, the only (I think) actor-playwright in the canon. Hamlet, the Danish prince with surprisingly strong opinions about theatre’s power and how certain speeches should be played (and how annoying comedians can be). Benedick, who struggles with his writing so comically. Suffolk, who in Henry VI, Part 1 declares, “I’ll call for pen and ink and write my mind.” And Bottom, of course, who thinks he can play anything.

Mya interjects: PETER QUINCES OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

9. Where can we find out more about you? Are there any projects/events you would like us to check out?

I’ve spent the last several years doing incredibly deep dives into Shakespeare, across many media:

My RSC partner Reed Martin and I wrote Pop-Up Shakespeare, an incredibly fun (and useful) introduction to the Bard’s life and works with beautiful, amazing, and funny illustrations by Jennie Maizels.

I contribute monthly essays about the intersection between Shakespeare and popular culture for the Folger Shakespeare Library’s Shakespeare & Beyond blog.

My weekly podcast (now in its 13th year) is a backstage glimpse into the life and works of the Reduced Shakespeare Company, featuring interviews with our many comedian, actor, playwright, author, director, composer, dramaturg, and artist friends and many many deep dives into matters Shakespearean.

Reed and I also wrote the definitive irreverent reference book, Reduced Shakespeare: The Complete Guide for the Attention-Impaired (abridged), which is still inexplicably in print (perhaps cuz it’s definitive).

We also wrote the stage play William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play (abridged) (“An absolute resolute hoot of a bawdy comedy of errors!” Broadway World), which premiered at the Folger Theatre in 2016, has toured the US and the UK, and is available for licensing via Broadway Play Publishing.

And in November 2019, the RSC will perform the international premiere in Israel of our brand new script Hamlet’s Big Adventure (a prequel) — what would happen if Tom Stoppard wrote Muppet Babies. It’s the comedy of the Prince of Denmark!

If after reading all this, for some insane reason you still want to get in touch, come find me here on Twitter. I think Mya will agree that it’s a much more civilized and fun place than its reputation suggests.

(Back to Mya) Thanks so much to Austin for taking the time to answer my questions! If you want to HEAR us actually talking to each other check out:

Reduced Shakespeare Co. Podcast #493

Reduced Shakespeare Co. Podcast #532

Reduced Shakespeare Co. Podcast #653

Q&A August continues next week with two phenomenal women who are using Shakespeare to build the most amazing things.

[haledamage]

Character Interview: Liv Ramsey

I wasn’t tagged by anyone this time and I’m not tagging anyone, I just wanted to do the character interview with Olivia :D if you also have a character you want to interview and haven’t been tagged for it, consider this an invitation!

name ➔ Olivia Ramsey. Friends call me Liv. I guess you can, too, if ya want.

are you single ➔ Startin' with the tough questions, huh? (she pauses for a very long moment, toying absentmindedly with what looks like a very expensive sapphire necklace she wears before finally turning a bright smile your way) It's complicated, like really complicated, but… no. I'm not. But if you could keep that between us, I'd appreciate it.

are you happy ➔ most of the time, yeah. Got a good group of close friends, enough money to eat every day, and a job that keeps me on my toes. What more could I ask for?

are you angry ➔ sometimes. Never sticks for long. (she grins, unrepentant and joyful) I’ve got a great anger management secret.

are your parents still married ➔ I don’t know if they ever were. Never met ‘em. Don't even know their names. They died when I was a baby, or they couldn’t keep me, or they didn’t want me, or… whatever. (she shrugs stiffly)

NINE FACTS

birth place ➔ I dunno. New York, I assume, since that’s where I grew up. Lived in Manhattan ‘til I moved out here to Chicago. I miss it, sometimes. The pizza here’s awful.

hair colour ➔ Red, right now. Or did you mean my natural color? ‘Cause that’s my little secret.

eye colour ➔ blue. Ice blue, if you wanna be dramatic about it.

birthday ➔ August 2nd.

mood ➔ pretty chill, right now.

color scheme ➔ I really like shades of red and pink. Black, because it goes with everything, yellow because it really doesn’t.

gender ➔ I mean, gender is a social construct, but I’m female for the most part. Some days more than others.

summer or winter ➔ summer. New York winters are a bitch, and I hear Chicago’s even worse. Good thing I’m not the one that has to drive in it.

morning or afternoon ➔ morning. Best time of day to get shit done is early in the morning or really late at night.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ yep. I was never any good at keepin' it a secret. At least, from most people. I had to beat him over the head with it before he believed me. (she laughs to herself, a clearly besotted smile on her face) He had me at hello, though, he really did.

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ If you'd asked me that a few months ago, I'd have said no, but now… yeah. Yeah, I think I do.

who ended your last relationship ➔ I think it was a mutual thing. She was lookin' for one thing and I was lookin' for something else. Sometimes people just aren't meant to fit together. Better to split up than try to force it.

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Sure. (she shrugs one shoulder, completely unbothered by the idea) On both an amateur and a professional level. I'm a con artist, sweetheart. Or I used to be. It comes with the territory.

are you afraid of commitments ➔ nope. I actually have the opposite problem. I sometimes overcommit and throw myself into causes or relationships - platonic or romantic - that aren't worthy of my time or my loyalty. I just… don't like to do things by halves, y'know?

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ yep. Gabriel, definitely. Mouse, probably. Maybe Rook, and I think Anna as well. I like hugs.

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ I mean, if it's a secret that means I don't know about it. (she winks) But yeah, I get admirers sometimes. I try to let them down easy. I know it sounds a bit hypocritical with the career I'm in, but I don't like hurting people if I don’t have to.

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ nah. I don't carry the right ammunition for that. Easy to avoid a broken heart if you don't get your hopes up.

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ lust, if I have to choose, but they're best when they're together

lemonade or iced tea ➔ iced tea. Or both! They’re also best when they’re together.

cats or dogs ➔ cats. I have a sweet little kitten named Ruby, she's just the best.

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ I don't know if I know how to have regular friends anymore. Seems like people only come in two flavors, these days: "acquaintance" and "family." It's an embarrassment of riches, after it bein' just me and Mouse for so long. Now I'm surrounded by people who care about me. It's… well, it's fuckin' weird, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ wild night out. Somewhere that the music's so loud you can feel it in your bones. Or maybe getting into a little trouble with my crew.

day or night ➔ night. The real fun doesn't start until after sunset.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ sure. Didn't stop me, though.

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ nope. Almost fell off the side of an 80 story building once. Well, technically it was 100 stories, but I was on the 80th floor. Maybe I shoulda taken the stairs.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ yes (a flash of pain streaks across her face and she stares into the middle distance. it's clear she has no intention of elaborating)

wanted to disappear ➔ sometimes. I'm pretty good at it, if I need to.

been involved in a fight you thought you couldn’t win ➔ there's no such thing as a fight you can't win. Gabriel taught me that. I have literally watched him die and be resuscitated and then get up and keep fighting. It was the most terrifying minute of my life and I never want to see him like that again, but the statement still stands.

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ eyes. Considering… well, considering Gabriel and the fact that more often than not, his eyes are the only part of his face that I can see, I've become very fond of them and of just how expressive they can be.

shorter or taller ➔ I'm gonna say shorter. I don't really have a preference one way or the other, but I think a lotta folks say taller and I like being contrary. Also 'cause I wanna have Mouse's back.

intelligence or attraction ➔ I feel like I should say attraction, since I used to make my living off of exploiting it. (she laughs) I do love to surround myself with smart people, though.

hook-up or relationship ➔ relationship. I've tried to do the casual hook-up thing, but I'm not any good at it. I get attached too easy.

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ if you mean, like, blood family, I don’t… have any. At all. If you mean my chosen family, yeah, we get along swell.

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ I'm a high-ranking member of an angel-themed crime syndicate that's currently at war with the Chicago Mafia and the FBI. What d'you think, sweetheart?

have you ever ran away from home ➔ “Home” is an interesting word, isn’t it? (she smirks like she plans to leave it there, but eventually sighs) Yeah, I’ve run away. From foster homes, from the orphanage. Always got dragged back, until the last time. Maybe they couldn’t find me. Maybe they stopped looking.

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ (she laughs) Sure, all the time. Usually after the second time the cops brought me home. No one wants to keep a troublemaker around.

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ no. I mean, if you hate them, then they aren’t your friend, are they? And when I hate someone, I don’t tend to keep it a secret.

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ yep. I would take a bullet for any of them and I know they’d do the same for me.

who is your best friend ➔ Mouse. Edwyn and I have known each other since high school. He’s always had my back and I’ve always had his. Always will. Though… at this point I guess I gotta mention Rook and Bishop too. Haven’t known ‘em long, but we… fit, y’know? It’s kinda funny, really, since they were tryin’ to kill me the first time we met. Some days, I’m not convinced they still aren’t, just in a really convoluted way.

who knows everything about you ➔ Gabriel. He proved that the very first time we met. He knows more than I do about me, I’m sure of it. He kinda meant it as a threat at the time, but these days it’s comforting. I guess Mouse knows more about me on a personal level, though, at least for now. Gabriel’s got ways of finding things out, but Mouse was there for most of it. So like, Gabriel knows more of the broad strokes, but Edwyn knows more of the little details, I guess? Does that sound stupid?

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[fcrvcnts-archive]

( kennedy walsh. twenty. cisfemale. she/her. ) ❛ jessica o’niell, a cancer from camden, maine, moved into holloway one year ago. they are a college student & aspiring singer that lives in apartment 4b and their neighbors don’t particularly mind them. some say they can be -self-doubting and -impetuous but others say they’re +warm-hearted and +effulgent. anyways, one thing is for sure: you hear i don’t exist by olivia o’brien, it’s jess blasting it. 

it’s me again. back at it with another child!!! but if you’re reading this intro before luciano’s...i’m bronny, i’m 22, i’m from new zealand and all you really need to know is that i love my children luciano & jess.

i can’t say jess’s intro is as great as luciano’s but that’s mostly because she’s a newer oc and there’s really just a jumble of ideas about her background floating around in my head. but again, i’ll stop rambling and get on with the intro!!!

JESSICA O’NIELL

jessica o’niell wasn’t exactly planned, you see—she was a product of a romance during the summer after both had graduated high school. but no matter what, jess’s mother adored the little girl from the moment she entered into this world and for the first few years of her life, so did her father.

jess’ mother never fully explained what had happened, but all jess knew was that when she was 2, her father never came home one day. he was there one day and the next gone. birthday cards, weekly money and the photos of him with her when she was young was the only thing she had left of him.

throughout her childhood, her father’s absence wasn’t that big of a deal. jess had her mother and that’s all she really needed—all she really knew or remembered. she may be her mother but she was also her best friend, she really doesn’t know where she would be without her.

BUT!! even though she knows her mum loves her and she loves her mother more than anything, their relationship is a little more complicated. there have been times in her life where her mother has felt more like a big sister rather than a mother to her. maybe it’s the fact her mother’s only 38 ( if i did the maths correctly that is ) that plays a big part in it. not to mention it’s not a rare thing for jess to feel as if her mother puts her many and frequent boyfriends before her.

it wasn’t until jess was around 15 that she really started asking questions about her father—and to this day, she wished she’d just taken her mother’s advice and left it. but her being her curious and impulsive self, she needed to know. because what she found was something no one should have to face. finding out that your father has a new loving, happy family well underway while he left you behind? she couldn’t believe it. it broke her heart and a part of herself.

since that day, she’s never felt good enough—for anything.

on the outside, the girl is a ray of sunshine and only wants the best in the world for everyone. but buried deep down is a girl with deep trust issues & the horrible feeling of not being good enough. if her own father couldn’t love her? well….she felt as if there was something wrong with her? 

it even transferred into a part of her life that meant the world to her—music.

music had been her one true passion for as long as she could remember. her fondest memory is when her grandmother brought her a piano for her 12th birthday. it was all she’d ever wanted to do in life—it was a big dream, sure, but her mother and grandparents always encouraged her and she once believed it was possible. but after finding out about her father, her self-belief faltered.

she put herself in the background of a lot of things and hardly let anyone hear her play one of the many instruments she’d learnt how to play. but she especially didn’t let anyone hear her sing.

it wasn’t until her acceptance letter into juilliard came through that pushed her into opening up a bit more. she hadn’t thought she would be accepted. she had convinced herself that she wouldn’t. so the acceptance letter was the first step in the direction of her starting to believe that she really did have some talent.

moving away from her mother was one of the hardest things she’d done in her life but it was also one of the best things she’s ever done.

she started off in the juilliard dorms but eventually moved out a year ago and into holloways. there’s definitley still some underlying problems left over from her father but she’s quite positive in where she is at the moment. not to mention, she’s even gotten a few little gigs at bars & clubs singing and they haven’t been a complete disaster. she’s really just taking life one step at a time and trying to focus on the good things in her life. 

jess is well and truly attempting the faking it until she makes it!!!

EXTRAS

her pinterest board can be found here!!!

her voice claim is olivia o’brien :’)

she has 1 cat ( a little rescue tabby ) called kovu and she ADORES him

she taught said cat to be on a harness.

would literally be happy to go and live in a cabin in the woods. she loves the outdoors, nature & going on road trips ( bringing kovu along - hence the need to teach him to be on a lead ).

probably currently obsessed with our planet on netflix, definitley the one that gets up when things go wrong for the animals.

thanks to friends made at juilliard, jess has managed to record a few of her songs and is currently one of the artists trialing the ‘upload beta/spotify for artists’ on spotify though her limited officially released songs have previously been available on soundcloud. but since she’s not signed to any record label, she tends to stick to the live shows she manages to score at bars & the like around new york. the majority of her songs aren’t actually released but they can be found on youtube via live show hq recordings by her/friends she roped in & not as hq ones by her fans.

has had thoughts about dropping out of school to really give her all into singing but she’s just uhh terrified of not succeeding!!

if anyone would like to plot a little something, my ims are always open, i’m also up for plotting via discord, and i’d love to plot a little something!! i swear i don’t bite so please send me an im if you’re up for something, but honestly if you give this a like i’ll come to you!!

but if you are interested in plotting, i have a plots page with loose ideas here!!

[atc74]

Sore Muscles and Surprises

Square Filled: Free Square for @spnfluffbingo

Warnings: Teeth rotting fluff, mentions of pregnancy, Rob being the best husband ever...did I say fluff? SeaCon cancellation

Summary: Snowy weather has got Rob trapped in Seattle, but he manages to surprise me. 

Pairing: Rob x OFC ME (Robelina)

Word Count: 1086

Written for: @spnfluffbingo

A/N: This is unbeta’d. All mistakes are my own. I have been experiencing some writers block and put out the bat signal yesterday. Thank you to all that send me gifs or ideas. This one was inspired by @dolphincliffs:  Hmm how about this - your gone for the day, not expecting him home because of the latest convention, but because it was cancelled, he decided to drive home (cause no flights) and surprises you - brings a tropical feel to your place - crank up the heat, kids at relatives, got some good take out, cover all the windows with pics of a tropical location, brings in a massage therapist to give you an awesome pregnancy massage with awesome smelling coconut oils. I literally cannot resist the urge to write some Robelina, especially when it comes in as a request from this one!

This fits snuggly into my Robelina universe: Say It Like That

I was exhausted and sore everywhere. I don’t remember being this uncomfortable when I was pregnant with Olivia. I pulled into the garage, shut off the engine and shut the garage door. I leaned my head against the steering wheel and yawned. I just needed to get the groceries unpacked, then I could take a nice long bath and crawl into bed with some tea.

I hauled myself up and out of the car, which, to be honest, was a struggle these days. Carrying a few extra pounds and another human at thirty-six weeks is no easy feat. Especially when I can’t see my feet. I shuffled around to the back of the car, popped the trunk and grabbed one bag. I made it to the door and pushed it open. I dropped the sack on the island and took a deep breath. The house smelled heavenly. Thank goodness for the cleaning lady I hired to help me once a week. She must have plugged in that diffuser I always forgot to fill.

“Babe?” I froze dead in my tracks.

“Rob?” I turned and walked toward the sound of my husband’s voice. He was walking toward me and stopped as he reached the doorway to the kitchen. He was beautiful and god, did I miss him. “I thought there weren’t any flights out?”

“There weren’t. I drove. I needed to be here. I needed to be home,” he confessed, moving closer and pulling me into his arms. “Jason and I drove, then he hopped a flight home.”

God I missed him. I was so worried about him. He had been stranded in Seattle when they cancelled the convention and couldn’t get a flight out. I let him pull me as close as we could get and I broke down.

“Hey, baby, don’t cry. Shhhh, I’m home now,” Rob whispered into my hair.

“I’m so happy you’re home,” I cried, pulling back to look into those blue eyes I loved so much. “I missed you so much. Wait...I talked to you every day. Why didn’t you tell me you were driving?!”

“I didn’t want you to worry any more than you already were,” he said, pulling me back into his arms. “Now, can you do me a favor? Go upstairs to the bathroom. I laid out a robe for you. Get changed into that, then go wait for me in the bedroom?”

“Rob, there’s groceries in the trunk still,” I protested.

“Please? I’ll get them and put them away,” he promised. I made my way upstairs, the aroma from the diffuser getting stronger. I pulled off my clothes, leaving them in a pile for later and slipped into the robe. I tied it high above my belly and shuffled across the hall to our room.

Opening the door, the shades were pulled and the room was dim, lit only by a few candles here and there. Soft music was coming from the speaker on Rob’s dresser. Rob stood next to a massage table and, Sarah, my regular massage therapist. “Sarah? Rob, why is Sarah in our bedroom?” Pregnancy had turned my normally sharp brain to a mushy paste.

“Babe, I called Sarah and asked her to come here to give you a massage. I know you have been busy taking care of the house and Liv, and me, and won’t make your own appointment, so I convinced her to make a house call,” Rob explained. He turned to Sarah. “Take care of my girls.”

I enjoyed a quick catch up with Sarah as she helped me up onto the table and settle comfortably with my ever growing baby bump nestled safely in the cutout. With a wonderful mix of lavender, ylang-ylang, ginger, chamomile, and frankincense essential oils, Sarah had me completely relaxed, my muscles giving way under her expert touch. The sounds I made were unholy and I was slightly embarrassed, knowing Rob was usually the only one that could get me to make noises like that.

A soft knock sounded at the door and I heard Rob’s voice. “How’re you doing, Red?”

“Soooo good. I’m keeping her until the baby comes,” I mumbled, face down in the table.

“Well, good. I mean, not permanently, but she is coming twice a week for the next couple months,” Rob informed me. “Happy Valentine's Day, baby.”

After my massage with Sarah, Rob helped me into something comfortable and led me downstairs to the kitchen. The first floor of the house smelled like coconut and fresh fruit. Jimmy Buffett was playing and there were two mocktails complete with little umbrellas. The table was set with pasta and a spinach salad with fresh strawberries and candied pecans and a vinaigrette, all from our favorite restaurant.

“I was gone for like two hours. How long have you been home and how did you do all of this?” I was stunned as I took a seat in the chair he pulled out for me.

“I called your mom,” he replied, a little sheepishly. “She said she would get Olivia from school and take her in the morning. They got a room for tonight so she is can swim. I knew you had a doctor’s appointment today, too. How did it go?”

“Good. Baby is growing like a weed. My blood pressure is slightly elevated, but other than that, good. Just over a month to go,” I replied, digging into the heavenly, creamy pasta in front of me.

“I know it’s a day early, but I wanted us to have a date night just us. Then we can celebrate with Liv tomorrow. Happy Valentine’s Day, Red,” he leaned over and kissed me.

“Did you really schedule Sarah for twice a week?” I asked, sipping on the wonderfully fruity frozen concoction.

“Yes, Mondays and Thursdays until the baby comes, then you can set the schedule with her after that,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

“That is a pretty extraordinary gift, Rob,” I eyed him from over the top of my bright blue umbrella.

“You’re a pretty extraordinary woman, Red. We’re starting a new journey together. Blending two families with this baby. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you or give you, if I can,” he professed.

“This baby is pretty lucky to have you for a daddy,” I smiled, though the hormones and emotions brought tears to my eyes.

“No, we’re the lucky ones,” he took my hand. “All of us are lucky to have you for a mama.”

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean  @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl  @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk  @deanwinchesterwitch @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl 

Rob/Robelina: @supernatural-jackles

[lawisnotmocked]

BBC Les Mis Episode 2

I’m back with more incoherent screaming (and spoilers) buckle in lads!

Starting again with some quick things!

What even is time anyway? The passage of time is a made up concept invented by the musical.

Font is still laughable :,3

I would!! Die for little ‘Ponine and Zelma!!!

Olivia Colman is an incredible Madame Thenardier!! Definitely one of the highlights of this episode for me!!

I really love the Thenardiers and all the Thenardier scenes! Except! When Thenardier hit Madame T I wasn’t expecting that. It just seemed a little unnecessarily violent? Like, nothing was really achieved by adding it in other than seeing her get hit we can already see that Cosette is in an abusive household and it holds no significance later on either? Yeah wasn’t too fond of that :/

I would die for little Marius :,,) but it was a really weird choice to have Gorges die when he was so young?? Interested to know what Davies is going to do with that now. Are we going to have 7 year old Bonapartist Marius??

Fantine’s letter writer needs to shush no one asked for his damn opinion >:/

Now moving onto My Boys (featuring Fantine too)!

I don’t care what anyone else says about Valjean’s ponytail it’s the cutest thing ever and I love it :,) and his awkward little speech omg that was very in character and also adorable!

After the first 10 minutes things get... ehhhh. Valjean comes across a little bit judgey of Fantine when he interviews her to work in the factory, but sure okay, having the two characters meet isn’t a bad choice they’re establishing the fact that Valjean knows Fantine works for him so he’ll recognise her later.

Can’t deny that Monsieur le Maire is very attractive (sorry had to get that out of the way ^^’) and okay a scene with him handing out coins to children good all still very in character!

I loved the shot of his bare bedroom after the factory girls were talking about it too and lighting the candlesticks that we can see he’s kept too. As of this point no major issues!

Ooh damn guess who comes into the factory next!! The new handsome chief of police here to ask in his lovely deep voice if you prefer to be called Monsieur or Daddy!! (Spoiler he prefers Monsieur le Maire) God this scene!! Once again is so nearly perfect!! There’s the awkward tension and clash of opinion and Oyelowo and West’s incredible acting!! But the dialogue sucks!! It feels so forced!! Please Davies!! You almost had it there!!

Oyelowo’s Javert is so dedicated and fanatical I love him so much god please give this man a better script hhhhhhh :,,)

Okay okay as I’m watching I’m thinking actually the second half of this scene is a little better it flows more easily and Javert’s monologue was actually not too bad.

Oof I hated the implication that Valjean was interested in/attracted to Fantine though. Especially since, again, it served no purpose other than making Valjean seem creepy and making it appear that his later actions were motivated by attraction. Served literally no other purpose wasn’t used again past that point just made everything else Bad. I hate it.

What comes next?? Cart scene cart scene!! And Javert on a horse 👀 I... don’t know if it’s just because I’m making heart eyes at Dominic West and David Oyelowo the entire time but I really liked this scene!! No complaints even the dialogue was pretty good!

The next scene however.... *deep sigh* the next scene....

I... really did not like the choice to have Valjean stand there, listen to Fantine explain herself and her situation in tears to him, and then loose his shit at her and fire her. That’s just. No. Not only is that so incredibly and painfully out of character, but it’s also messing up the entire point of Fantine’s story?? And making Valjean a really dislikable character?? God I just. I hate this scene so much ugh!!

No letter Jav rides straight the fuck to Paris! I don’t know how I feel about this scene? On the one hand... who the fuck is this man the Javert I know would never challenge an authority figure!! But on the other hand I guess it’s kind of fitting for Oyelowo’s Javert? So yeah. Don’t know how I feel about this. I guess I didn’t dislike it but you’re on thin fucking ice Davies and you’re lucky I like Oyelowo’s more dominant Javert.

*deep sigh* Valjean.... buries the candlesticks with his money. What about the symbolism Davies?? What! About! The symbolism! During the scene where he’s supposed to throw them into the fire!!

Valjean and Javert meeting in the street on horseback after both returning from their Highly Suspicious Missions was a Good Scene though I loved that! It made me think of the Awkward Eye Contact Scene in the brick when Valjean is staying in Gorbeau House :p See! The issue is! That most of this isn’t too bad! And some of it is really good! But there’s a few utterly awful things that just ruin the entire episode for me! And that sucks!!

Anyway. I really loved the scene where Fantine sells her hair and teeth I think that was done well! But it was really goddamn sad as well!! ‘Les mis is sad’ says local man who knows storyline :,3

After this I felt like Fantine’s story gets a little unnecessary graphic? Maybe it’s just a personal opinion but it felt a little bit like the scene where Madame T was hit. Apparently Davies can’t write a single female character who isn’t a Tragic Powerless Victim Of Men (Specifically Their Sexual Urges) :/ But again, just a personal opinion I can see how other people might like that scene as a way to show how truly awful Fantine’s life became.

Oookkkayyy Fantine’s arrest. Personally I liked the beginning of this scene! As always Oyelowo was incredible and his Javert was rough (but he did just drag a woman off a gentleman and she was attacking him so I think that’s not an unexpected or totally unreasonable reaction) and dismissive, and I loved Fantine begging him to let her go and then calling Madeleine a monster. Big oof but in a good way. Making me feel feelings.

Javert literally throwing her to the ground felt a little too much? But Davies it Just Like That apparently :/

My main problem with this scene was actually Valjean-who-doesn’t-really-feel-like-Valjean-anymore. What Fantine says about him is all true. We aren’t given any reason to believe he changed at all from the man in Toulon. Instead of Fantine being hurt by ✨society✨ it’s Valjean himself who is the direct cause of her suffering. ( @pilferingapples explains this much better and in a lot more detail here!) Add on the fact that Davies established earlier on that Valjean was potentially attracted to Fantine and this totally messes up his motivation for helping her too and oof I hate it :,) Valjean has been turned into a dislikable character, Fantine’s hatred for him specifically is justified and Javert is becoming a sympathetic character! What did you do to my emotional support dad Jean Valjean Davies?? D:<

Hhhh the scene when Javert asks to be dismissed... it’s good!! The dialogue feels a lot better and Oyelowo is incredible and it’s as tense and dramatic as it should be! Except! It isn’t Javert asking to be dismissed. It’s Javert actually being dismissed. Because Valjean says nothing. No insistence that Javert remain as a police inspector. Nothing. That’s! Not! Jean Valjean! Davies! And how is that even going to work with the storyline is Javert just going to get his job back after Valjean confesses?? Is this the Bad End where Valjean never even goes to Aras and Javert looses his job as an inspector?? What are you doing here Davies?? Uuughh this isn’t actually a bad episode it’s just Valjean’s awful mischaracterisation that’s killing me here!!

To continue the thread of Valjean’s Awful Mischaracterisation, shouting at who I think is Sister Simplice?? Oof.

I know I mentioned the candlesticks being buried in the woods before but. Why?? Valjean has no candlesticks to throw into the fire so instead it’s Petit Gervais’ coin that takes their symbolic place. I know I said I was happy to have Petit Gervais included but that doesn’t mean I wanted his ghost to haunt Valjean and take the symbolic place of Myriel :,,) So yeah. Weird choice but go off I guess??

I still. Am kind of hopeful that perhaps Valjean’s characterisation might improve in later episodes? It’s only episode 2 right we’ve got 4 more to go! But at the same time I’m nervous that It’s Only Going To Get Worse :,) Anyway I’d die for Oyelowo’s Javert and he’s good.

Well there are my Hot Takes on what actually happened in the episode now it’s Animal Symbolism O��clock >:3

The bird symbolism is back baby!! And I really loved the way this was done! The bird is symbolic of Cosette. Working in Madeleine’s factory is how Fantine is able to send the Thenardiers money for Cosette and she makes a little bird while she’s at work. However when the bird is discovered, Fantine is told that if she keeps making things like that instead of working she’ll be fired. Foreshadowing! The discovery of Cosette is what gets her fired. I’m genuinely impressed with this this is some proper complex symbolism!

Bird symbolism can’t save you from your Valjean related sins Davies but Valjean being given Fantine’s jet bird after he fires her can also be seen as foreshadowing for Valjean meeting Cosette, but also a signal that Fantine can’t look after Cosette anymore and won’t be able to go and fetch her like she wanted because she doesn’t have her job anymore. 

There’s also the continued use of wild beast/non-human creature to refer to those outside of polite and civilised society when Javert asks Valjean “you would risk your good name to help a creature like that?” during Fantine’s arrest.

Still nothing to connect Javert to dogs though :/ But I’m still hopeful! Maybe next episode!

[lighthouseofthewanderess]

Music

In talking about how to relive a moment, I forgot the most obvious and influential element in my life. Music. Now, I know people have spoken a lot about it, written, and composed songs on it. So I won’t bore you with what I feel about it. I’ll just show you how I look at it. To me, Music is a person -- a constant companion in my good times and the bad. Sometimes, Music is the reason I snap out of certain phases in my life. An angel, in my mom’s words. The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto is a book that helped me grasp music better. Before that I just was in awe of it. I got another tattoo that read out the word inspire, designed in musical notes. When people see it, they ask me if I am musically inclined. I appreciate it, no I don’t play anything. I have tried the piano, the flute, choir singing, and lyric writing. That’s not a gift that I’ve been blessed with. I go about telling people that painting, writing, dancing and other forms are art all fall short in front of music. In my eyes, you have to be truly gifted to have music flow through your veins. The rest of the world can just hope to hear every random tune ever made because each one is story in itself. And the ones who hear the most and explores the most, are the richest.

Why do I say that? Because the emotion a song brings is one of the few things that money can’t fetch you. You have a voice, a string of words, and a melody -- all that you may and may not like. But when you do, it sticks with you. It comes to you when you’re riding along a busy street, when you’re facing a power cut in the shower. Or when someone has just told you something harsh and walked away. Words surface from tunes you’ve heard and you can’t help but seek refuge in it. It swallows you, holds you, rocks you calm, and puts you back on your feet. That’s why when I meet someone I’m so eager to know what kind of music they listen too. When I see a long list on iTunes, I go ‘Woah, he’s rich.’ And the quality of each tune, further adds to how I respect or distant myself from that person. I’m not talking about 150 songs that I can tap onto by listening to AT40 with Ryan. I’m talking about the ones you find when you venture out on YouTube and Spotify, exchange music on the train, and create groups to share links. Here are a couple of songs that have managed to discover, in different phases in life, for their own reasons.

Gasoline, Halsey  --  We’ve heard Halsey pair up with G-Eazy and Chainsmokers. And they’re all brilliant. But if I had to pick one favorite it would be Gasoline. It called to me because with every line, I went ‘oh that’s me’. The music, peaking and teasing to accentuate her voice. In fact my blog, The Wanderess, is inspired by her other song Hurricane, and what it captures. There’s a verse in it that goes: ‘I'm a wanderess I'm a one night stand Don't belong to no city Don't belong to no man.’ I just had to borrow from that and do my own Halsey-thing on the side. I listen to her music when I’m fixing my bike, doing things that need extra strength or when I need to work majorly on my self-esteem. No need to pay 2k for therapy, Halsey is enough for me.

Anachronism, Crywolf -- the words are just about 4 paras long. And they are hella relatable, yes. It talks of how people aren’t perfect and everyone’s ghosts are real. And the artist sends a plea to whoever loves him to accept the wrath that he brings. Speaking of wrath, the music is just so intense and overpowers the voice and lyrics. It is unpredictable and haunting at the same time. It builds up and crashes when you least expect it and suddenly comes alive when your heart has said goodbye. I listen to this when I need to zone out, and focus on one thing at a time. I cannot plug this one in and work. It screams for attention and with good reason.

Akhiyaan Nu Rehn De, Quratulain Balouch -- There’s something about not knowing the meaning of what you’re listening to. If you have the superpower of imagination like me, then you find a narrative in those lost tunes in your head. It is definitely emotive and some part of that has to do with the fact that it is vernacular. It has the drums in the back as well, a beautiful addition to the morose emotion oozing out of her strained yet confident voice. And this song is mostly catharsis for me. It is short yet intense and through the song I manage to seek out my pent-up feelings and let them go when the music ends abruptly.

Babe I’m Yours, Whilk and Misky -- I almost scrapped this song in the first few seconds because it started off-key. But then the beats fell right in and I was transported to a cowboy tavern where a drunk lover is saying all the things that one wants to hear. “But I want cream in my coffee I want springs in my steps I want gin in my tonic And I want all that I can get.” I listen to this more because I relate to the guy rather than the girl. I underestimate the power of love and just like him, I surrender once I realize. So when I need to get going on a Friday or Monday morning, here’s my jam.

Librarian, Laura Jane Scott -- Very fittingly, it opens like a story with easy beats. Mellow music and no unexpected turns. It puts you in a dream and has all the happy words weaved in, although what the artist is saying is that she wants to conquer the books she looks over. She wants to be with the fairies and the pirates instead of this normal world. So you obviously know I’m listening to this when I’m making a run from reality.

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You, Cigarettes After Sex -- If I wasn’t a sucker for deep voices, this won’t be on my list. Purely love it because of the voice and the calming effect it has on my mood. Especially if I’m breaking down, I plug this one. It is tender and cautious, inching closer and closer to your heart to make you feel whole again. There is no clear narrative, just the aftermath of the experience. Still, Daughter -- This breaks down a beautiful yet dying relationship. Similar to ‘Dancing in a Burning Room’. I’ll just let her words do the talking: “It's spiraling down Biting words like a wolf howling Hate is spitting out each others mouths But we're still sleeping like we're lovers.” And yet when you listen to it, it’s not a sad tune. The chorus is weirdly upbeat and gives you the feeling that when you’re stuck at a fork there’s still half a chance at happiness.

Goodbye, Feder -- Vengeful is the world. It seethes in her voice and the music is suspenseful. You might hear it at a club, a remixed version but the original is good enough. The story unfolds one line at a time and whenever I hear it I can half imagine the artist sitting next to me at the bar and narrating the way her love affair went down and what she wants to tell the guy. “Then, you ran away Are you thinking of me when you f her? Does she know you were supposed to love me 'Til you die? Almost, kill me”

Land of all, Woodkid -- Again, on the list because of the voice. It is beautiful, haunting, and tragic. The composition here just has to be given special mention. When it starts you have no idea what’s coming. In terms of the music, the lyrics, or the tone. It just peaks out of nowhere.The chorus is layer and layer of chaos that builds louder into a self-revealing moment. I mean, it just makes you feel like the artist is putting all the important parts into the chorus without words and you just have to get it.

Formidable, Stromae -- This is probably a favorite because I have personal respect for Paul Haver. The voice that comes of his bony frame, his versatility, and in large a single component that occupy all his music. The bouncing beat at the back always makes you want to shake a leg and even though I don’t understand French, I am pretty sure of the vibe he’s putting out there. Mostly all his songs end on my list.

Of course, it’s was very hard to put together this list. There was a song for each phase. Ruins by Ryder through my small yet full-blown goth phase. Yamaha by Delta Spirit whenever I’m on my way home from Pune. We were in love by Ta-Ku when I’m angry with the world around me. I know some of these aren’t that rare at all, but it’s a good mix of my go to songs. I have Sweater Weather from NBHD, Olivia from Mayer, and Born to Die from Lana constantly on my favorites. Like speed dial. And that’s how music literally saves my soul some days. I hope some of this will save you too.

[tjhudson]

1 STEP FORWARD, 100 STEPS BACK: ( ft savannah rose )                                        f**lings, friendship and a fucking mess.

SETTING: January 17th. / TJ’s house. SUMMARY: They just talk. POSSIBLE TRIGGER(S): None. 

SAVANNAH had a hard time walking away from Charlie whenever she finally did decide to leave. She had stopped in to check on her after getting her nails done with Olivia and she just felt like the smallest person alive. She wanted, no needed, to talk to someone about this but she didn't think that she could do that. She was wearing a heavy weight on her shoulders and for a while, she just needed to remember that tonight was going to either be really good or really bad and well, that just made her stomach hurt even worse than it already was. Making her way over to TJ's, she could practically feel her heart pounding in her chest and she wasn't sure what was going to happen. Yes, they were having a serious conversation but what would come from it was another thing. She did miss him but sometimes he didn't make her feel like he missed her and that scared her. Despite their conversation from earlier that day and him saying that he didn't want her to feel like she wasn't wanted. It wasn't like she felt like he was pulling away but whenever he would tell her to just forget the conversation whenever she wasn't drunk or he just wanted to have fun, she didn't know what to do besides having this conversation. Getting over to his house, she shut the car door and then made her way inside of the house, trying to avoid his dad as she did. Heading for the basement, she let out a breath and adjusted her jeans and tugged her jacket closer to her while looking at her nails and smiling at his comment. Once she walked in, she sighed contently before leaning on the doorway and pushing her hands into her pockets. “Hey there.”

THOMAS didn’t have a clue what was going on with him and Savannah but everyone that he had talked to about the two of them sure did know a lot more than he apparently did. He was confused, to say the least. SHe made him feel vulnerable and he didn’t hate it because it was her but he hated the feeling in general. He wasn’t sure what this whole, her coming over thing meant but he wasn’t going to question it. Sitting downstairs he played on his guitar a little as he flipped through his phone. He was starting to worry about Charlie because of her mentioning her dad and now saying she was staying at the Rose’s but he didn’t want to push. But that wasn’t going to stop him from worrying about his friend. Hearing a few soft words he snapped out of his daze and looked over at her, resting his guitar in his lap and putting his phone down. “Hey,” he greeted, “You can sit down if you want.”

SAVANNAH smiling a little as he laid his guitar down, she couldn't help but just take in the view for a moment. Everything about him was literally perfect. That stupid smile. That ridiculous look in his eye whenever she was there with him. He just did things to her that he probably didn't know. She liked them all though and she would never complain. Hearing his words, she walked over to him and sat down beside him, turning her body to face him slowly and her blue eyes found his with a soft smile that played on the edges of her lips. “Thank you,” she started and bit her lip gently. “You and your music. What were you doing anyway?” She asked, pulling her chair a little closer to him and rested back against it.

THOMAS angled his chair to face her and placed his guitar down beside them, leaning it up against the wall. God. She was ridiculously gorgeous and he knew that she had to have known it. But it was in an innocent way. LIke the way she nodded her head and just listened to every word he said, even if he said nothing but nonsense. “I was just finding some music to go with his song I wrote the other day to sing in Glee. Nothing too major. And hearing about my music is clearly not why you’re here.”

SAVANNAH watched as he moved and she took in a deep breath before focusing on him again. She loved his music, everything about it but he must have known that by now. Letting her hands push into her jacket pockets, she pulled it closer to keep herself warm just because she wasn't warm yet from being outside and it was freezing anyway. Whenever he finished, she gave him a nod and then pressed her lips together while gathering up the nerve to actually have the conversation with him. She felt like she was going to throw up before she ever got to speak about what was going on. "You'll have to let me hear it sometime, if you don't mind. Right, I'm not here because of that though," she admitted and adjusted herself a little bit more while she finally looked back up at him to speak. “I want to try to make things work with us. I mean, obviously, it's up to you but I would really like it if we could try. I am by far not the best girlfriend in the world, I clearly have messed up in the past before but I've learned from my mistakes of that,” she cut herself off and her eyes found the ground and then chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. “I know you said that you want to have fun and you obviously don't have to do what I say, you're your own person and if that's what you want to do then I won't hate you but I just want you to know where I stand right now. I'm ready to try again but I won't get mad if you don't I'll understand. I've been talking too long and I'm just going to shut up now because I need to do that,” she finished and looked at her hands as they fumbled in her now lap.

THOMAS placed his hands on his lap and looked down at his fingers as she spoke to him. “Sure, whenever you wanna hear it you can,” he sighed as he looked up briefly and made slight eye contact with her before she started to speak again. There she was talking about her feelings and being completely open and honest with him and for a guy that normally had a whole lot to say he had nothing. Because he genuinely didn’t know what he wanted. Yes, of course, he had feelings for her. He wouldn’t still act like a jerk toward Carter if he didn’t but he also liked going out and meeting new people and having fun with the ones he was currently seeing. He wasn’t the type of guy to try and have multiple things on the side and he didn’t ever want to be that guy. When she stopped talking he looked up at her as she spoke her last words and ran a hand over the back of his head. “Savannah,” he breathed as he took a long pause before looking up at her. “I don’t know what you want from me. I’ve got people coming at me from all different directions talking about us. Even after I told you if this was ever going to be a thing I wanted our business to be our business.” Stopping there he sat up in his chair more and pressed his lips together. “I told you I wanted to be friends with you and now you’re putting me in this situation that I don’t want to be in because I feel obligated to just say yes.”

SAVANNAH listened to him quietly, her eyes finding his as she did so and then took in a deep breath. She wasn't sure what was about to happen and honestly, she felt like she was going to obviously have to listen to him but she just didn't know how this would end or change how they were. Whenever he spoke about people coming at him, she raised her eyebrows in confusion and then ran her tongue over her bottom lip in thought quietly. She didn't know what to say back, honestly, so she kept her gaze down and she tried to keep her real thoughts from just slipping past her lips and that was why did he go through all of this stuff with her if he didn't want to be with her. Looking up at him, she took in a breath and sighed. “I didn't tell them anything, I just told Charlie that I was coming over here but I mean, that was just because she's at my house and I didn't want her to think I wasn't coming home. As far as anyone else, they know about our break up. They know about how I felt, cause they are my friends and you know that Olivia and I are super close but I just. I listened,” she admitted softly before sighing and pushing hands down against the chair and pushing herself up while she looked down. “You don't have to say yes if you don't want to. If you just want to be friends then that's all we'll be but please,” she whispered as she chewed on her bottom lip, “please don't confuse me,” she whispered, chewing on her lip harder. “Because I know what I want but if you don't then I don't want you to feel obligated just because I guess I have protective friends.” she finally finished and ran her fingers through her hair, letting out a breath while her other hand moved to cover her mouth gently.

THOMAS didn’t bother to look up when she stood up, he had just assumed she was going to leave and be pissed at him but she didn’t. Leave that is. Leaning back in the chair he placed the side of his head and in his palm and looked up at her from the angle he was sitting. I’m not trying to confuse you, Savannah,” he huffed, rubbing a spot on his forehead. “I just don’t want to get shit from people because apparently we are meant to be together or whatever the hell it was. Do you know how awkward that is when you have no idea where it’s coming from? I have no idea what you tell these people, even after I made that request. My business is my business. Just like my business with you is ours and my business with Carter is apparently everyone's but you get the point. Look, I’m not trying to confuse you or lead you on.”

SAVANNAH sitting back down, she tried to just keep quiet before pressing her lips together. “You made that request and I told you what I said. You're right, our stuff is our stuff. It's always our stuff. Literally, nothing has happened though and I've said why I wasn't going to be home and then Olivia and I have the usual girl talk but it's nothing about you and I were meant to be or whatever. After the fight at the party, I talked to Olivia cause I needed someone to talk to me and we weren't at this point. I couldn't just keep it to myself because I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it, we were just..not here. I'm keeping things to myself but I can understand why that would make you feel awkward so I'm sorry.” Looking up at him finally, she let out a breath and just sat there for a second. “What do you want? You asked me last night. I told you. Now, what do you want from this?”

THOMAS ran his hand over his mouth and laughed a little at her comment. “That’s literally not even what I’m saying or what I meant. But whatever, take it how you want and make it seem like I’m telling you not to talk to anyone about your problems.” Moving his chair back a little he started to tense up. “Nothing. I want nothing.”

SAVANNAH letting herself lean back, she covered her face and bit the inside of her cheek. “That's not what I'm saying,” she admitted and then looked over at him again. “I'm saying all of our stuff is ours. It's not everyone else's' to know about and I know that. We don't even have our own stuff figured out and I know that. I don't think you're trying to limit me on what I do but I do know that our life is ours and it's just easier to not talk to everyone about everything because it's not their business. I get that.” Watching him, she shook her head and felt a few tears rimming in her eyes and she let her hands fall to her lap again. “I don't want to go through this again where I almost lose you again. We're doing good and I can't change what they say and I can stop talking about things all day, I just can't stop what they say but that's not my fault and I don't want to take the blame for that either. If I did something, I'll be the first to admit that I do.” looking at him, she leaned her head to the side. “I'm sorry, Thomas.”

THOMAS just sat there quiet, afraid of saying something mean to push her away even more. When they were good, they were so good but when they were bad, he would just shut himself off from everything. For some reason, that’s what he was doing. Maybe it was because if they got back together then everyone would know when she dumped him again because he could never keep his ego in check and he didn’t want to go through that, again. Sitting there in silence, he just nodded his head and pressed his lips shut.

SAVANNAH watched him quietly, letting herself try to figure out what was happening next but she didn't know and she was more than confused now than she was before. He was literally so much to her and he had to know it. That was just the thing though, they were trying too hard to make things just make sense and if felt like sometimes it was harder to just own up to how she felt. He scared her but not in a way that made her want to leave but in a way that made her just want to understand more about why she'd fallen for him like she had before and where they were now. “I don't know what to do now,” she admitted, chewing on her lip and resting her head on her hand gently.

THOMAS was slowly growing annoyed at this entire situation. Yes, he had feelings for her. But he also has feelings for a lot of people but that didn’t mean he wanted to be in a relationship with them. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t just be friends. Was it really that hard? Yeah, he was practically the king of mixed signals but being flirtatious was literally so easy for him. He’s flirt with a pencil if you let him. “We can be friends like I’ve been saying for how long now?”

SAVANNAH gave a nod and finally let her shoulders give a slight shrug of understanding in time. “Then we're friends and that'll just be where I stop questioning things,” she finished, leaning her head up and then she finally stood up. She wasn't going to question anything anymore, she was just going to let things happen if they did. If not, then she didn't want to just ruin anything anymore. “That's fine.” She finished and then pushed her hands into her pockets. “Thank you for talking with me about this stuff.”

[42inchtv]

Some Thoughts On The Best Movies Of 2019

Honorable Mentions: “Always Be My Maybe” (dir. Nahnatchka Khan), “Avengers: Endgame” (dirs. Joe and Anthony Russo), “Her Smell” (dir. Alex Ross Perry), “The Highwaymen” (dir. John Lee Hancock), “Joker” (dir. Todd Phillips), “Knives Out” (dir. Rian Johnson), “The Laundromat” (dir. Steven Soderbergh), “Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story By Martin Scorsese” (dir. Martin Scorsese), “Spider-Man: Far From Home” (dir. Jon Watts), “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker” (dir. J.J. Abrams), “Toy Story 4″ (dir. Josh Cooley), “Triple Frontier” (dir. J.C. Chandor), “Under the Silver Lake” (dir. David Robert Mitchell), “Waves” (dir. Trey Edward Shults), “Yesterday” (dir. Danny Boyle)

10. “High Flying Bird” (dir. Steven Soderbergh) Steven Soderbergh loves process movies, films where collaboration has to take place in order to achieve a set goal. So, heists. Almost all of Soderbergh's movies have a heist element in the text -- often literally, as with the "Ocean's" franchise or "Logan Lucky"; sometimes deeper, as with "Magic Mike" or "High Flying Bird." This new Soderbergh joint is a fucking blast -- and right from the start, with Andre Holland rat-tat-tatting his way through a fancy lunch with an NBA rookie who's still wet behind the ears (Melvin Gregg, good stuff). On the face of it, "High Flying Bird" is a heist movie, one where we watch Holland's Ray and his dogged former assistant (Zazie Beetz) use shoe-leather to stop an NBA lockout and make themselves a lot of money in the process. But its deeper reading is about a disrupter trying to disrupt again without falling behind the curve (it might as well be about Soderbergh himself). The ideas presented in "High Flying Bird" are so modern its almost as if Soderbergh has seen the future, one where athletes democratize sports in the way so many other fields have been democratized by social media. The production and release of "High Flying Bird" -- it was shot on an iPhone and dropped on Netflix -- are timely too. Soderbergh continues to get over on all these guys, doing it better and faster than most people half his age. Maybe he loves heists so much because he's made a career out of pulling jobs on the unsuspecting for 30 years.

9. “Booksmart” (dir. Olivia Wilde) A classic right out of the box, even in spite of the ponderous discourse surrounding its release. “Booksmart” takes the one-crazy-night structure and core relationship of "Superbad" and mixes it with the heart and sincerity of "Lady Bird" to create a coming-of-age movie that transcends gender and time and finds room to turn Beanie Feldstein into a giant star. This is a god-level performance, paying off what everyone hoped would happen after she played the beta in "Lady Bird." She's the alpha here and tears the movie to shreds. Give her a goddamn Oscar.

8. “Parasite” (dir. Bong Joon Ho) There is always another bottom. “Parasite” starts as one kind of movie and becomes another and the deftness with which it transitions is but one of the many delights buried within what has become a landmark release. Two things to note, before hitting the next blurb: first, the ending montage is unforgettable, quite literally as I’ve often replayed it in my head during quieter moments; and second, the score is the best of the year.

7. “Little Women” (dir. Greta Gerwig) Bigger in scope and bolder in construction than “Lady Bird,” Gerwig’s adaptation of “Little Women” stamps her as one of the best filmmakers working today. No one is able to be as honest in depicting complicated human feelings and as unafraid to portray outright empathy amid conflict. The only downside to Gerwig hitting the rarefied air of an auteur is that she doesn’t seem to want to act anymore. But we’ll take the role switch if there are more movies like “Little Women” on the horizon.

6. “Marriage Story” (dir. Noah Baumbach) Noah Baumbach is never really mentioned when conversations turn to best directors; he’s always felt a tier behind the Tarantinos and Scorseses of the world. But given a second thought, it’s hard to imagine why. Baumbach has been knocking out four-star movies since the ‘90s and “Marriage Story” might be his best. (Thanks to Netflix, it’s also by far his most widely seen; my parents even watched this one.) The divorce drama turned meme generator is typical Baumbach: smart people arguing about life with a bite that doesn’t shy away from showing the underside of humanity. But it feels like his most complete film, a perfect marriage of his earlier cynical work and his buoyant Gerwig period. It goes without saying but let’s say it anyway: Adam Driver is remarkable in this one, giving the best performance of the year. But Scarlett Johansson matches him scene for scene, a reminder of the raw talent she displayed during the “Lost in Translation” years when she was basically Andruw Jones for actors.

5. “Hustlers” (dir. Lorene Scafaria) From the opening tracking shot -- an unbroken take that follows newbie Destiny (Constance Wu in her best performance yet) as she tries to scratch together some cash during her first night at the klerb -- Lorene Scafaria makes her case for a Scorseseian tribute previously done best by Paul Thomas Anderson. But “Hustlers” isn’t a mere riff on “Goodfellas” or “Boogie Nights,” it’s a Trojan horse packed tight with big statements on the long-lasting ramifications of the 2008 financial crisis, the bonds of true friendship, and the way parenthood literally changes the mind of a parent (”motherhood is a mental illness,” Jennifer Lopez’s Ramona says twice during the film, first with a laugh and then later with a tear). It all culminates with a finale that doubles as a punch in the gut, with a monologue delivered by Lopez that should replace Ben Affleck’s juicy dialogue from “The Town” for aspiring actors on YouTube. Through it all, Scafaria controls every frame and sequence with confidence and ease not portended even by her previous solid work. It’s some masterful stuff, as is the way she’s able to tease out powerful performances from her motley crew of actors: Cardi B (lol sure), Lizzo, Lili Reinhart, Keke Palmer, Wu, and, of course, J.Lo, who does Robert De Niro in “Goodfellas” better than anyone else who has tried since 1990.

4. “Us” (dir. Jordan Peele) Oh, hey, “Us” is awesome. A “Twilight Zone” riff mixed with a greatest hits of references (including but not limited to “Scream,” “Jaws,” “The Shining,” “Signs,” “Funny Games,” “The Cabin in the Woods,” and “C.H.U.D.”) that throws a bunch of big, lofty ideas into the batter. Chief among them: How the ruling class must be taken out by the disenfranchised and how the disenfranchised, after wresting power from that class, will not go quietly into the night. (Alternate take: Bury the unwoke person you were as a youth before they can come back and ruin your life.) It all works so well — thrilling and hilarious, often at the same time. Lupita Nyong’o is otherworldly here (best actress 2020) and Winston Duke does an outrageous Jordan Peele impression that should please dads everywhere. Highest praise: During a year when we celebrated the greatness of 1999 movies, “Us” would rank up there with the best of the lot.

3. “The Irishman” (dir. Martin Scorsese) I've never thought to cry while watching a Martin Scorsese movie. That's not the kind of filmmaker he has been previously -- and even the movies he's made that pack an emotional wallop do so with almost surgical precision. Perhaps he's getting softer in his old age, or maybe I am: on my third viewing of "The Irishman" (but really, let's call it what it is: "I Heard You Paint Houses"), I teared up on more than one occasion. The elephant in the room after its release became Peggy and the wrongly perceived lack of agency given to her character. But watching how her relationship with Frank unfolds from birth to death with so few words is the movie's greatest trick. The first time we see Peggy, as an infant, she casts her big eyes on dad; those same glances -- angry, heartbroken, disgusted, pitiful stares -- make up their entire relationship. Only once does Frank experience something similar: after he kills Hoffa (a 20-minute sequence that features little dialogue and no music; we stan), Frank is next shown watching from a church pew as Bill Bufalino gives away his daughter at the altar on her wedding day; it's an act of fatherly love and joy that he'll never experience, not after what he's done hours before. Frank knows it too; just look at his face. A fucking masterpiece from our greatest filmmaker.

2. “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” (dir. Quentin Tarantino) Speaking of masterpieces: “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” is Quentin Tarantino’s best movie in 20 years and his most introspective ever; cinema’s former enfant terrible has finally grown up. “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” grapples with what happens when masculinity runs its course and when one generation loses prominence to the next. But it’s also just super hilarious — filled with moments that are best described as lol. This is the best performance Leonardo DiCaprio has ever given. It’s a remarkable tight-rope walk: he's an actor playing a slightly worse actor who himself is giving a performance and then having to also give another performance as the actor he's playing? As his sidekick-slash-lifemate, Brad Pitt is so effortless that it's almost redundant to praise him. And while there are other delights to enjoy among the cast (Margaret Qualley, Julia “tha God” Butters), let’s highlight Margot Robbie: She finds such warmth and grace within Sharon Tate that it's hard not to leave the film feeling a tremendous amount of sadness and regret. "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" might rewrite her history, but the real world did not. Unfortunately, this legend was never printed. But at least it exists in the movies.

1. “Uncut Gems” (dirs. Josh Safdie, Benny Safdie) What if the last 30 minutes of "Goodfellas" was actually 120 minutes and starred an all-time Adam Sandler, Mike Francesa, and Kevin Garnett, and prominently featured Billy Joel's "The Stranger"? The Safdie Brothers wrote and directed my fever dreams and it resulted in the best movie of 2019, 2018, 2017. This is a landmark; why bother writing anything else?

[girls-scenarios]

Admins Top 18 Songs of 2018

Admin Kiwi: These are in no particular order, but they are the songs I’ve been listening to the most this year!

NCT U Taeyong & Ten - Baby Don’t Stop: This song had been on repeat since it came out. I don’t actually listen to much NCT but holy crap this SONG. It’s not even my usual type of music. It’s just so addicting.

Loona - Stylish: Okay, Hi High was a great song, but THIS song. I might have listened to it like, 300 times now? It’s so good that I’ve yet to get tired of it even though I listen to it at least once a day. A true banger. Stan Loona indeed.

April - Oh! My Mistake: When this song first came out, I wasn’t sure what to think because it’s super unique, but now it’s consistently stuck in my head and I listen to it on repeat. I was so happy to see April get more attention with this comeback too!

iKON - Killing Me: I’ll be real with you, I’m not an iKON stan. Their music is super hit or miss for me. But when I first heard this song my jaw dropped because omg it’s SO GOOD. Whenever I need to feel energized I just have to listen to the drop and boom. Energy.

EXID - I Love You: By now you probably all know that EXID owns me. Lady was such a banger too, but I’ve got to say that I Love You was my favorite (because Solji is back and I cried).

Seventeen - Oh My!: Perhaps I love Seventeen. Real talk, Seventeen never disappoints. And Oh My! is another song that is consistently playing. The mini album with this song was A+ as well. They’re the only boy group that I own an album by. They’re that good.

Twice - Shot Thru The Heart: Twice had so many comebacks this year that I can’t even keep up honestly. But this song? I’m in love with it. Also Jeongyeon gets so many lines. And I love listening to her voice so uh. It’s my favorite song.

Weki Meki - Iron Boy: Honestly Metronome was another by them that I absolutely love, but I like Iron Boy a little bit better. Such a banger and makes me super happy to listen to.

Tiffany Young - Over My Skin: Wow? I love everything about this song? Tiffany is out here putting out great music with an early 2000s feel and I’m 100% here for it. Also the lyrics to this song? I’m shaking.

EXO - Tempo: I didn’t like this song at first, but now I listen to it so much I’m pretty sure even my dog knows the words. I prefer girls, but Chanyeol in this comeback had me questioning everything. That Great Gatsby reference in his lyrics made my literary self VERY happy.

KHAN - I’m Your Girl?: I listen to this song all the time. I loved The Ark, and I was so happy to see these girls come back. I love their voices together. I just. Loved everything about this song.

fromis_9 - DKDK: This is the comeback that made me truly fall in love with them. I was OBSESSED with this song when it first came out, and I still listen to it all the time. This song defines my 2018 honestly.

Dreamcatcher - Wonderland: I’ve said before how much I love this song but like. I love to just put this song on and chill. I love pretty much everything that Dreamcatcher puts out but this song? It’s The One.

Jay Park - V: I’ll admit it, I listen to a lot of Jay Park. This song is another one that’s always stuck in my head. It’s just such a fun song to listen to, I love it. A lot.

Day6 - Shoot Me: Day6 puts out so much good music, but this song has me hooked. It’s like an angry rock ballad. And I like that.

Hyukoh - Citizen Kane: Hyukoh is another band that just puts out such great music. I love everything they do and really wish that I’d gotten the chance to see them live this year.

UNI.T - I Mean: I really wish that UNI.T would have gotten more time together. Both songs they released were amazing but this song just makes me so happy to listen to and energizes me when I need it. It’s just such a fun song!

The Rose - Baby: This song introduced me to The Rose and I’m so glad I found it because it’s so good and I listen to it both when I’m feeling angsty and when I write.

(Honorable mentions: Sohee ft BOL4 - Hurry Up, Taeyeon - Something New, HYO - Sober, Hyolyn - Dally, NU’EST W - Dejavu, Pristin V - Get It, Apink - I’m So Sick, CLC - Black Dress)

Admin Lee: Not in any certain order, but these are my top picks of 2018! 

1. Pristin V - Get It: I love pristin. I kept track until this comeback was released and watched the MV again and again afterwards! The teasers and highlight medley absolutely killed me and I was completely in love with the villain concept! I hope in the future, Pristin is able to do more comebacks with this sort of concept because I think it’s really cool and refreshing!

2. Remind of You - Chungha: This is another one that I listen to when I’m falling asleep, writing, or working! It’s one of my favorites of hers!

3. Egoist - Olivia Hye (Ft. Jinsoul): Though love4eva is the song that made me discover Loona, this is definitely one of my favorite solo (?) songs before their official debut!

4. IAM - 1AM: This was one of the two concept songs that were my absolute favorite on Produce48 and all of the members on that team were some of my favorite contestants too! I love Heo Yunjin and Ahn Yujin to pieces, and I’m glad Yujin made it into IZONE!

5. Rumor - H.I.N.P: This song. I swear I listened to this and IAM on repeat for three days straight. Eunbi (and everyone else on the team ofc) killed and I find myself going back to watch their performance video from time to time because it’s THAT good.

6. Thanks - Seventeen: This is the first Seventeen song I’ve ever heard! I found out about it after Loona did a dance cover on Idol Room and really enjoyed the song, so I listened to the whole thing and liked it even more. I should probably get more into Seventeen’s music because they seem like a really cool group!

7. Forever Young - Blackpink: This is probably my favorite b-side from the mini-album, and I liked how the song kind of changed towards the end! Blackpink has been a group I’ve loved for a while and I’m really glad they’re going on a world tour this year!

8. April Fools - Jimin Park: I remember being super excited when I heard Jimin was finally getting a comeback, and I couldn’t stop listening to this song when it came out! I loved her when she was in 15&, but now that she’s out there doing solo music and having a good time I’m happy for her!

9. Good Evening - SHINee: SHINee is also another boy group that I’ve recently gotten into! I really enjoy a lot of their music, and this song just stands out to me a lot. The MV is also really cool, with nice aesthetics and cool colors!

10. Dally - Hyolyn: This is the first song I’ve heard by Hyolyn, and it suits my music taste a lot! I enjoy the bass-heavy, chill vibe the song provides. She has super nice vocals that I appreciate and I’m glad I discovered her music!

11. Oh! My Mistake - April: I recently listened to this song and I couldn’t stop lol. It’s so catchy once you hear it and at the end, you immediately want to listen to it again. April is an underrated group for sure, because if this comeback say anything about them, it’s that they’ve got major talent and potential as a successful group!

12. Jenga - Heize: Heize is an artist I also recently discovered, and I think Don’t Know You was the first song of hers I listened to. However, this one is a bop fr and I listen to it at least once a day.

13. La Vie en Rose - IZONE: Dude this debut song was probably the best I’ve heard ever (besides Wee Woo). I know I’ve said I’ve listened to a lot of these songs on repeat but this one I would play multiple times a day every day for a little more than a week. I still listen to this song all the time and its one of the most memorable debut songs I’ve heard.

14. Stylish - LOONA: This is definitely my favorite B-side from the album. The memes from it are also really good! But fr, this song is one that I listen to a lot as well, and I always seem to play it more than once whenever it comes on.

15. Bad Boy - Red Velvet: Okay, let me say that this MV is so good and I LIVE for it. Like, this comeback was insanely good and I can’t wait to see them perform this live!! Along with RBB and Peek-a-Boo, this is my favorite title song from RV!

16. RBB - Red Velvet: I literally counted down the days until this comeback. When I heard/watched the teaser for this I couldn’t wait for the song’s release. The scream kills me every time lmao I hope Irene didn’t throw out her voice too much for that

17. Heroine - Sunmi: Sunmi is literally that bitch. I loved this song so much the first time I heard it, and what’s not to love about it? It’s such a bop! She’s literally a goddess and no song she makes could ever flop.

18. What is Love? - TWICE: Twice has been a long-time favorite group of mine, and was actually the first Kpop group I’ve ever heard (got into them during TT era)! This comeback was a godsend and I loved it so much. The MV was so well put together, and all of the movie references were very well done! I couldn’t stop repeating this song for weeks after it came out.

[sapphiresea]

1-29 hehehehehehhehehe.... if not all the evens lol!

 pride month questionnaire.    

what is your sexuality? i’m an ace-spec lesbian.

what do gender do you identify as? cisgender female.

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender? oh gosh. i really de-sexualized myself for a long time because i couldn’t stand the thought of being with a guy and i just didn’t think being with a woman was an option... but i remember being acutely aware of it when i was about 13 years old, panicking, and then doing my best to repress it.

do you have any preferences? eyes are a really big thing for me. not necessarily shape or color. i just really love being able to look into a woman’s eyes and see a sparkle. but mostly i look for someone i can laugh with and be real with, you know? it’s really important with me to be with someone i can be myself around and who wants to enjoy life with me.

share a positive memory about coming out! aside from the fact that literally no one was shocked i’m gay and everyone was shocked that i was dating someone besides my best friend... well, shortly after i came out to my best friend, i went to visit her. i was staying with her family, who didn’t know ( and still doesn’t know ) that i’m into girls. her cousin, a grown woman who was raised very, very conservative had actually never heard of gay people before and we were sitting there watching glee with her and kurt came on the screen. tina explained to her cousin that he was interested in men the way a lot of men are interested in women and her cousin looked horrified. i mean, she gasped and exclaimed, “surely there must be some kind of cure for these people!” or something along those lines. she was mortified. and my best friend, without missing a beat, jumped in and shut it down, telling her that there’s nothing wrong with gay people and there doesn’t need to be a ‘cure.’ and i just remember it positively because she said something when she knew i couldn’t without outing myself, and i just very much appreciated it.

how do you feel about pride month? pride all day every day. i mean, where i live, for no logical reason, our pride isn’t until september, so it’s mostly just on the internet that i celebrate in june. but hey, it gives me more reason to make gay jokes, so i’m all for it. but more than that, considering our history and all the lgbtqia+ community has been through to be seen as people, yeah, i think pride month is extremely important. i just think we need to do more to educate everyone – both in and out of the community – on our history and how far we’ve come...not to mention how far we still have to go.

do you participate in pride related events? any other events? surprisingly, not a lot? i’ve been to a few, and i’m definitely going to pride this year, but the community here isn’t very large and a lot of the events are outdoors or in bars, and considering i can’t drink or be in the sun, i don’t often have much to do, you know?

how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media? i feel like a lot of them are very narrow. most of the roles are cis white male gays, and even then, they’re quite clichéd. lesbians get killed off or end up with tragic endings. bisexual women are erased. bisexual men barely even exist at all. and then there’s, like, one or two trans characters on all of media that tend to be played by cis people. we’ve certainly gotten better with representation, but there is a very long way to go from here. and maybe once it stops being ‘brave’ for a straight/cis actor to play a gay/trans role and we’re not heralding a movie for great representation when there’s one throwaway line about a female character potentially having a girlfriend that’s not even confirmed by more than a shrug ( looking at you, power rangers ), i’ll start taking it more seriously as progress.

do you feel pride in who you are? yes. i would like to be as gay as possible. life might be easier if you’re straight, but god, at what cost???

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? i’m lucky and a lot of the people ( though certainly not all ) have been pretty supportive of me. but i didn’t know any gay people growing up. mostly, i found self-acceptance through media. watching olivia and natalia fall in love on guiding light was the first time i let myself consider my sexuality. through that fandom, i met a couple older lesbians – most notably, marie, who i called my nana, and who acted as a mentor. she took me under her wing and really encouraged me to love myself. portia de rossi also had a big influence. reading her book, i really connected with her. so while i’ve never met her, i would say she was a very important figure in my journey, as well.

tell us about your first crush? my first crush – though, thanks to compulsory heterosexuality and heteronormativity, i didn’t recognize it at the time – was on a blonde girl in my third grade class named sam. we met her first day at school when we literally wore the same shirt but in different colors ( mine was purple, hers was blue ) and we thought that was really cool, so we started hanging out at recess. she straddled a line between being a tomboy and a girly-girl in a way i can’t explain. i was entranced by her. i would’ve followed her anywhere like a lost little puppy. she moved away to another province after a few months and because it pre-dated the internet being such a big thing, we lost touch instantly. i never did find out what happened to her. but i swear for those few months, my little eight year-old self was in love.

what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? take your time coming out and telling people. you aren’t lying by being in the closet. your safety and comfort comes above all else. but try to find people – even if they’re online – who will accept you for you and who you can be yourself around. being lgbtqia+ is not something to be ashamed of, no matter how many people try to tell you otherwise.

have you come out to friends and family? yes. most people know i’m gay, especially since i can’t keep myself from making terrible jokes about it all the time. i’ve outed myself a lot just for a laugh. the only people who don’t know are my best friend’s family. it sucks, but it’s because of the culture they grew up in and i get it. i don’t like it, but i get it. and i love them too much to risk them hating me.

how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? i don’t really have feelings about it, but it does tend to get that diana ross song stuck in my head.

do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? yes. there is one big closet from which we all emerge.

any tips on coming out? just do it in your own time. do it in a way in which you feel comfortable. the rest is up to you, honestly. there’s no one right way to do it.

what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? aside from being killed off? aside from never letting the actual lgbtqia+ people play the lgbtqia+ characters? aside from representation being celebrated when it’s just a tiny hint that a character might not be straight or cis? ...lack of puns. almost every non-cishet person i know makes so many jokes about their gender/orientation all the time for their own amusement. if we could replace the disgusting homophobic/transphobic jokes that are like “lol look at these weird queer people!” with lighthearted jokes from the lgbtqia+ character, i would be stoked. but address the actual problems first and then get to that one.

what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? i mean... representation is so freaking important because it not only allows us to accept ourselves, but helps people outside the community to actually see us as humans. i swear if it wasn’t for will & grace, my parents would’ve had a very different reaction to my coming out. but i also just really love seeing cute wlw being cute. also this was my favorite thing to ever happen.

what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? most of my teachers played the hypotheticals, if they acknowledged the community at all. they spoke of it in debate terms like none of us existed for real. most of them just ignored the subject altogether. the only time i remember it being specifically addressed was in eighth grade when my music teacher’s son came out and she gave us all a big anti-homophobia speech. she said, “one in ten people is gay, which means at least two of you are.” and that was when i promptly turned bright red and internally panicked because my first thought was, “i wonder who the other one is...” followed by “oh my god, no. no. no. i’m not gay!!!” lol nice try, thirteen year old me.

do you practice safe sex with the same gender? i mean i’m ace-spec and i don’t have a lot of sex... but like.... since i’ve never had sex with someone who could get me pregnant or who has stds.... umm... no... but where tf would you even get a dental dam? has anyone even seen those?

what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? no sense of humor. i dated a girl who i swear could not laugh. not just at my jokes, but i barely saw her crack a smile in three dates, and that’s as long as we lasted. i was just so not into it.

what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? dimples. and making me laugh.

how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? yes. more of those, please. i mean, it’s not like i can walk into a starbucks and meet other wlw. i’ve literally only ever met one in the wild and, oh my goodness, let me tell you, we glomped on to one another so quickly. but everyone else, i’ve met over the internet or on an app.

how do you feel about the term “queer” ? i personally like it and use it often. i mean, all of the words in the acronym, every identity has been used as a slur before, and i can and will reclaim it. but i also respect that a lot of people don’t feel the same way. i won’t use it to describe someone if i know it makes them uncomfortable.

how does you country view the lgbtq community? generally we’re pretty well accepted, but you know, there are assholes everywhere. and i also live in the most conservative part of the country, which is fun.

favorite lgbtq actor/actress? well, i mean, i’m obviously a big kate mckinnon fan. i also really love portia de rossi.

any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? be open-minded and challenge your own biases.

what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? “can i watch?” seriously. i’ve been asked that too often. it’s not funny and it’s definitely not attractive. just fuck off.

how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender? i’m fine with it as long as people are asking out of curiosity and a desire to learn, you know? if they’re not questioning whether i’m really a lesbian or whatever, i’m totally cool with it. oh! unless they’re asking for details about my sex life or something gross.